Archive for October, 2004

It’s Been A Long Day…

October 28, 2004; 11:53 pm

(21:11:44) Rashaad: Wow, you’ve been gone ^.^
(21:11:51) Me: Wow, I went to the park at 3.
(21:12:02) Me: Then went out to eat with Glenn at 4 after picking him up[ from band.
(21:12:06) Me: Got home around 5.
(21:12:09) Me: Slept until 7:30.
(21:12:16) Me: Left for the library at 8.
(21:12:17) Me: Got back just now.
(21:12:19) Me: er.
(21:12:25) Me: i slept until 6:40
(21:12:37) Me: played some MLB PS2 game with glenn until 7:30
(21:12:40) Me: yesh
(21:12:48) Rashaad: Baseball games are fun ^.^

So yeah. It’s 11, I have a headache, and I’m gonna slack again on homework for the sake of sleep. Need to finish this honor’s problem, though. And then a drawing for art. -.-

So… I almost decided to go down to visit Megan at work after the library, knowing they’d be open late. Something to pep her up, brighten up her day–I figured it’d be of the best intentions because well… It is kinda rough to be working so late on school nights. (Mitulski can vouch.) It wouldn’t be that bad, but Megan and her AP classes and all the shit she does… Poor thing deserves some breaks from shit like that.

I decided against it because I didn’t really even tell Dad I was going to the library. (I think he was locked up in his room. Couldn’t find him anywhere in the house, heh.) So Glenn and Marcie and Lola (grandma) kinda knew, but I really just walked out of the house and drove… yeah, wise choice or something.

—

The honors problem wasn’t as hard, once a certain theorem was discovered. The thing was that a bunch of people (> half the class) figured it out on the first day, but all their work and answers implied that certain things were isoceles–a no-go. Mrs. Land was so kind as to point out the problem and give everyone a second chance.

Jump to today, Thursday. It’s due tomorrow, NO ONE IN THE CLASS knows how to do it. I’m asked a ton of times if I got it; nada. Wonderful.

Jump to tonight. Amir tells me he asked Bryan Mengwasser from MSA. At the same time he read Bryan’s e-mail reply, he was talking to Tony about it at the same time. Turns out that some theorem Gitti found online actually was the key. (Normally when Gitti has an explanation or gets “a lead” on a problem, it’s overcomplicated beyond the scope of what we want or need.)

So… *does my honors problem writeup*

The Riverview competition for marching band is tomorrow. Will be following that, definitely. And then to the Lake on Saturday morning with Megan and the MSA Reunion. ^_^ (Unfortunately, there aren’t many people that are coming from my year… At least I know most of the ones that are.)

Rashaad. Call me tomorrow if you see this before 5pm.

Meg, if I don’t catch you tonight, just talk to me sometime tomorrow and let me know what you think about this weekend. My mom’s guessing around 8-ish or something for departure. *huggle* Love ya, miss ya. heartbeat

….

October 27, 2004; 10:36 pm

(22:14:03) Styl3 Phoenix: I’m taking an early night. See you tomorrow, man.
(22:14:10) Styl3 Phoenix logged out.

—

(22:32:14) Megan: I’m going to bed….I’ll catch you tomorrow maybe…work till 11:30…
(22:32:14) Me : shower
(22:32:21) Megan: oyasumi
(22:32:28) Megan logged out.
(22:32:28) Megan is no longer idle.
(22:32:28) Me: G’nite, Megan. Sweet dreams.
(22:32:29) Unable to send message: Not logged in

I just got back. Like, seconds before she said that.

11:30? I barely feel like staying up right now. Been getting sick, so tomororw’ll probably end up the same way… Guess I’ll talk to her on Friday, if even. *sigh*

You know what? My online self has fallen apart in light of myself and others becoming busier offline. So you know what? Screw it. Just call my cell phone if you ever want to talk. It’ll be better that way, more consistent. Any time from 2:30pm to midnight, really. Or until 6am if you’re that important. ;p

—–

There isn’t much room left for emotions such as love, in this world we live in. Everything’s so distant, everyone’s so busy, all of it so far away and impossible to grasp.

Yes

October 27, 2004; 12:50 am

Yes, I used the word “defence.”

If you have a problem with it, stop. ;p

In Defence

October 26, 2004; 12:34 am

The entire ordeal came and went. Standing at the doorstep of another day, I ask myself, “why?”

I was a-okay. Was a-okay believing she felt the same. And then found out she didn’t. Then took the about face and ran with it as far as I could go. Because when she cares, I care just as much or more. I suppose it’s a folly, but when things like this don’t happen it gives me a satisfaction to know that there’s someone out there that I care for this much. So much, that it transcends my own feelings of self and moral. Indeed it is a folly, but the intentions are right.

I’ll have to learn to not be so much like this.

What’s The Point?

October 25, 2004; 6:59 pm

It’s on days like this where I wish someone would ask me how I’m doing, how I’m feeling, what’s up. Because right now I just feel low. Not really because of the things on my mind, but physically I feel like shit. I get sick whenever the temperature jumps more than 10 degrees warmer in a day or so. I don’t feel good. All of me just feels sore. I’ve lived life frequently like this–I’d rather wait until I’m reached out to than complain first for help or care.

—–

I’m not even going to password protect shit anymore. There isn’t any point, apparantly. If it’s online, I might as well make it accessible.

Maybe I actually wanted to be able to access my own shit later, and that’s why I don’t save it to some private journal file on my computer. Whatever. It’s pointless.

I might even just delete this shit and stop blogging again. There isn’t any point to having people read what I think about, there isn’t any point in giving myself release in this fashion, there isn’t any point to any of this. Unless the collective bulk of people reading this convinces me otherwise, this one’s going to disappear, too. Provide me a compelling argument, please. Brenn, Shannon, Mitulski, Rashaad, Megan, anyone. I believe I told Shannon not to stop a long time ago. Well. What’s the reasoning for me, then?