The following takes place between 1:30AM and 1:45AM.
Standing there, staring off to the western sky, I think of how tired I’ve become. How tired I’ve become of trying. At least the cool winter air and the majestic glow of the stars puts me at ease.
I think of calling someone, to tell them how beautiful it is where I am… That next time, when the weather’s warmer, we need to bring a small group out to a place like this and just hang out under the stars. I’ve found something beautiful and I need to share it with someone… But no, I don’t have the words for it… And they’ve probably seen it somewhere else, anyway. And it’s 1:30 and it’s not worth making a phone call at this hour, anyway. No… Tonight, this trip is for me and no one else.
Reflecting upon everything, I think of what Holly told me…
—
Earlier in the afternoon.
“In the long run,” I tell her, “this all probably doesn’t mean anything anyway.”
She laughs.
“On the contrary,” she contends. “In doing this, and showing people how willing you are to help, and how much you care, you’re going to attract someone doing it… It’s like, a law or nature or something.”
“Deep down inside, that’s what I hope…” And I continue on and on for a good few minutes about how trite all of my effort has been and how sometimes I feel like hiding away and secluding, if only to see what would happen to the people around me.
I realize I’m rambling and I sigh.
“My mind’s starting to go, I’m sure.”
“It’s cute,” she tells me. “…Really. And other people are bound to think so too. You’re trying so hard. You deserve to be rewarded.”
“Well, what’s the point of having a caring heart if you’re not going to use it?”
“Indeed,” she tells me with a smile.
